Category Archives: humor

A Teeming Horde Of Socialists

-Or, the Capitalist Suicide Pact.

Is it the case that the restraint of free movement of people across international boundaries is, in essence, of the nature of the error of the protectionist? Is, it not the case that imposition on such free movement represents violation of the natural right of man by the State?

Resolved that these propositions are, so the citizen of the Capitalist World, fear hypocrisy, deigns it that the artificial construction of a border ought not restrain migration, and he welcomes with open arms as a brother the worker, the talent, the human resource, (for he does not make the error of the population alarmist, that more people is bad) into the nation he calls home, but which, thinking on it, he holds in no special regard, except in so far as it may be an exemplar of his capitalist ideal-and that it is not, so much the more reason to hold it in contempt.

And, being that he may occasionally dislike the results of elections, but thinking the results of human events must inevitably favor liberty in the end, he excepts democracy, perhaps hesitantly. He thinks not for a moment that, in the regions from which his new brothers come, in choosing their own governments freely they have chosen despotism, tyranny, socialism. He is, after all, not racist, to think that ideology could be genetic. He thinks, such is the product of their institutions, but our institutions favor the market-One supposes he forgets that this is not so often, his patriotism is oddly restored from his-deserved-early contempt. And more importantly, he reasons, these are Christians, and we all know how Christians vote. Oh sure, he thinks, my wife or lover may not be able to get an abortion the next time she gets pregnant, but trade will be reasonably unrestrained. He is, unaware? Perhaps, of the evidence the prevailing opinions of these folks, on the contrary, are much the opposite of the typical evangelical Christian. He attributes, instead, all the evidence of every passing election, of evidence of purposeful thought by a block of voters seeking to righteously punish the truculent. And, he says, surely if we do away with the truculent, these people will, so long as we may make the issue ours, vote more in line with their religious beliefs. Religion, not biology, determines ideology, all human history not withstanding.

And lo, political victory! He achieves his goal, and across the nullified national boundary comes the teeming horde. Wonder, glory, at the production from this labor! Huzzah, a victory for mankind, for the future! And thus, on the surface, it seems.

But things are not as they appear. Look upon those things our Capitalist Citizen holds, rightly, in contempt: government largesse swells, and strains to be supported by a tax structure that burdens exclusively the upper income earners; for now, the state of Social Security and Medicare improve, at the expense of Medicaid and welfare programs.

Never fear! The election is here! Finally in good conscience, Capitalist Citizen can support Republicanism again, having defeated the bigots and reclaimed it’s name for the Truly Righteous. And, he expects-contrary to recent evidence-that the people are generally intelligent enough to realize that socialism isn’t working. He is enthusiastic. And so election day arrives.

Disaster! Calamity! Well, on the bright side, your wife can get that abortion. It is the first electoral college unanimous election since George Washington.

Republican Crass Crusty is defeated by Democrat Hugo Vladimir Gonzalez in a landslide. The election is attributed by pundits to the Hispanic vote.

Well, an election is just an election, there will be another one. So he waits, and in the mean time the Democrats further transform the country into something he does not recognize as remotely Capitalist. They win the next election, too, and the next one.

After an entire generation of ruin, Citizen Capitalist is in despair. In his squalid, rent controlled apartment, Citizen Capitalist commits suicide, not able to face the world anymore, it’s future so dim.

Of course, in reality, he committed political suicide a generation ago.

Comments Off on A Teeming Horde Of Socialists

Filed under Common Sense, Dumbasses, Economics, elections, Freedom, General, humor, Republicans

Hehe, crazy Brits…


Comments Off on Hehe, crazy Brits…

Filed under humor, UK

Your tax dollars at work…

Writing out checks to dead people. Well, they did vote Democrat almost certainly.

My whole family were Democrats. In fact, my Uncle once recieved a medal for having not missed voting in an election for fifteen years-and he’d been dead for fourteen. ~Ronald Reagan

Okay, I know, this is more incompetent bumbling than a harmful error, but it goes to show that the government is, well, incompetent.


Filed under Dumbasses, humor, Weird Stuff

Michael Ramirez is brilliant

He has been on fire lately.

Comments Off on Michael Ramirez is brilliant

Filed under humor, Thinkers

The Scottish Government Attempts to Play God

So they have a report out that has to do with adapting to climate change (thanks to the CA Forum for finding this!) and this stood out:

…on the proposals for a strategic centrally co-ordinated plan for adapting to climate change…

Erm, beg pardon, but isn’t centrally planned adaptation…Intelligent design? I’m all for adaptation. I think that it is the best response to changes that inevitably will happen (whatever their sign/magnitude) but it is what people have always done to changes in their environment. So aside from violating seperation of Church and State 😉 Scotland and Big Cousin Haggis now will tell you how to react to the weather! I say, is your umbrella quite up to code sir? It seems your coat is in violation of section c3-r-26-j, eh wot? I’ll have to write you a fine.

1 Comment

Filed under Fascism, Freedom, humor, Klimacht, UK

I have seen the future…

…And it would be funny, if it didn’t sound prescient.

Gotta love this part from The Master:

During lunchtime in the school cafeteria, Bobby and Debbie see the new student Johnny sitting alone. They want to be friendly, and have been trained to be on the alert for potential Columbine-style loners and outcasts. So they decide to strike up a conversation with him — but they’re in for a big surprise.

As an antisocial antisocialist, I can relate.

Comments Off on I have seen the future…

Filed under humor

Freedom of the Press? Dur, whazzat?

No, really.

Comments Off on Freedom of the Press? Dur, whazzat?

Filed under humor, Mainstream Media