Still can’t decide who to vote for? Let me give you my breakdown.
On the Democratic Side: Like Socialism? Good News! You can pick any of them and be happy! More seriously,
Hillary Clinton: She has more “experience” apparently (well she was married to a President, I guess) But like all many of the others, she has the “Senator Problem” (As in, very few Presidents have been Senators) and she is seen by many, including moi, to be an inhuman vicious robot monster from the Planet of the Apes. But hey, she’s going to be turn Big Brother into Big Creepy Overbearing Mother. Sounds good, right? (maybe if your into that sort of thing)
Barack Hussein Obama: Warning, he could be some kind of Islamic plant! (Not. How silly of you.) He’s the Democratic “change” candidate. Well, there’s good change, there’s bad change, and then there’s pocket change. After an Obama Presidency, only be lucky to still have any of the latter left, if your in a higher income bracket. Oh, did I forget to mention he’s Black, apparently? Well, isn’t about time? Obama gets points for saying ambiguous, not bad things about Ronald Reagan, though. The young lad thinks he can be the next JFK. We all no how that ended. Obama could do more this country by going to Hollywood and making movies about Secret Government agencies and hot chicks who shoot at people than as President. Move along.
The People’s Republic of John Edwards: Straight from the other America, it’s Stalin’s towel boy. John is the Marxist Revolutionary candidate. I suspect he plans to march on Washington after the election and violently over throw the government to install himself as leader of the People’s Republic of the Second America. But has nice hair. Must come from all that money he spends on haircuts to keep the hairstylists of the Proletariat going.
Dennis Kucinich: He saw a UFO. Actually, he came from one. Elect him, he’ll expose that whole area 51 thing! Aliens exist, I know it! Dennnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
On the Republican side:
Mitt Romney: Has the advantage of looking the most Presidential. That’s always good. But what about that health care stuff? What’s up with that? Anyway, Romney says that his business experience is exactly what’s needed to turn Washington around. And no, he is not secretly planning to make Polygamy a Constitutional right. Sillies. Romney, however, strikes me as in some ways creepy, I’ll be honest with you. I can’t say why. I just feel that way. But hey, National Review likes him.
John McCain: Treacherous RINO dumbass who believes in Global Goring. ‘Nuff said.
Mike Huckabee: How does Born Again Redneck put it? Oh yes: “If you want the USA to be a Banana Republic, vote for the Huckster.” Frankly, this is a very disturbing factor in the campaign for me. I feel like Grover Cleveland being stuck in the same party as William Jennings Bryan. Populism is effective, perhaps, but its also fascistic. And socialistic. If I wanted that, I could just vote for a Democrat. Not that I can vote yet.
Rudy Giuliani: If your main priority is National Security, Rudy might be your choice. Especially if you don’t care about previous Social Liberalism. Actually, you might say that’s true of many of the candidates. Unfortunately, that’s why many of the Evangelicals and Social Conservatives have been rallying behind Huckabee. Because everyone else is either a social liberal or perceived as a flip-flopper. But Rudy probably has some serious dirt they could use against him. He has a strange, checkered past, after all.
Ron Paul: He’s some kind of crazy libertarian or something. Crazy I tell you! Crazy!
At some point this stopped being a serious discussion of the candidates…Oh well.
Which brings us back to the last, best candidate possible in my opinion: Fred Thompson. If your are a real, true, economic, social, and all around Conservative, Fred should be your first choice. Anyone who disagrees with that statement is going to need a very good reason, becuase frankly, I don’t see how you could possibly think differently. But then, I can’t see how liberals think so differently either. Maybe its becuase they don’t.
In summary, Hillary, Obama, Edwards, and Dennis are all typical liberal Democrats. Snore. McCain, Huckabee, Rudy, and Paul all have some Conservative values. But not all of them. And you can’t re-write the definition of Conservative to change that. Romney is okay, but the ideal candidate for the real Conservative in you is Thompson.
That said, I’m not officially supporting anyone, becuase I’ll have to support whoever is the Republican nominee in the end, anyway.
So basically: Uncommitted in 08!